Inner Strength: Jordan's Journey from Bullying to Bravery to Business Success

Inner Strength: Jordan's Journey from Bullying to Bravery to Business Success

In this heartfelt episode, Jordan shares his incredible journey from being a young dancer separated from his family, through years of performing on cruise ships, facing bullying to overcoming a life-changing HIV diagnosis. He speaks candidly about his close relationship with his supportive mother, the challenges he faced as a male dancer, and the triumphs that came from his hard work and determination. Jordan discusses the impact of his diagnosis, how he managed his mental health, and the importance of inner strength and resilience. Now a successful business owner, Jordan aims to inspire others by sharing his story and proving that adversity can be transformed into a source of strength and empowerment.

00:00 Introduction and Welcoming Jordan

01:12 Jordan's Early Dance Journey

03:07 Life on Cruise Ships

04:44 Struggles and Triumphs

07:22 Realisation and Acceptance

11:02 Challenges and Overcoming Adversity

15:15 A Life-Changing Diagnosis

22:48 A Determined Dancer's Journey

23:45 Breaking the Mold: Family and Future

25:10 Tools for Resilience and Inner Strength

27:41 The Power of Influence and Support

30:59 Battling Anxiety and Finding Strength

33:48 Overcoming Challenges in the Dance Industry

40:15 A New Beginning: Building a Business

42:20 Embracing Authenticity and Inner Power

Connect with Jordan to: 

🚀 Help you GROW your small business online 
💰 Reach new customers | Make more sales

Website: http://Www.stan.store/jjhvirtual   

Insta: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.jordan?igsh=MW1rd2phYnFxeWs3ag== 

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Homework for this week:  

Take some time to think about the challenges you've faced in your life so far. Write down at least three specific obstacles you've overcome. How did you handle those situations, and what strengths did you discover in yourself?

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Transcript

  Hi, you're listening to the how to reign when it's raining podcast. 

Welcome back to the how to reign when it's raining podcast with Abi and Dolina. We have a great show for you today. Please listen for the key takeaways and action steps at the end. Yes, we will sometimes be setting you homework. You don't have to do it, but it will help you on your journey.

Today's guest is someone who has been on an incredible journey of resilience and inner strength from a professional dancer to a successful digital entrepreneur. He helped small businesses grow their social media and helped individuals generate enough income online to create their freedom life. So please welcome Jordan Harvey. 

Hey, so we have Jordan here with us. Thank you so much, Jordan, for being a part of our show. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. 

We know that there are certain aspects of your journey,  that you could help our audience with, and how, you've managed to move through what you've been through.  I sort of know your mom, who's absolutely amazing.

Yeah. Marie, she's lovely. Yes. Hi Marie! You know, she's spoken about you before and how proud of you she is. Aw. Um, which is lovely. That's lovely. Yeah, it's really nice. And I think,  I don't want to make the assumption, but it seems that you guys have a really, really close relationship.

Yeah. We are really close. 

You are. Yeah. Uh, you have your moments like Abi and I do. 

Yeah, no, definitely. Like every relationship, but no, she is my best friend. So like my best, best friend, but we're so close and she's such a strong woman. So I think that's distilled in me a little bit. And. Yeah, you couldn't ask for anything else really, like an amazing mum and best friend.

So yeah, that's what she is. 

Oh, that's so lovely to hear. , one of, one of the reasons that I was mentioning your mum as well is because I know from a young age you were, , separated because you were off doing your thing. So can you tell us about that?

Yeah.  so yeah, at the age of eight, um, well, my mom says I've always liked dance from the womb. I know that's quite like, everyone says that, but yeah, I just used to like dance a lot. So that was something that I didn't really know that I wanted to do. So then my dad, he found a local dance group and then that kind of took it off.

And then I wanted to take it further. So then I went into, College, I studied in musical theater and performing arts in the Midlands. So that took me away.  And then from the age of 18, really, I went on to do 10 and a half years or so on cruise ships. 

Wow. 

So it was always, yeah, so it was always on and off, like on contracts back for  a couple months and then back again for  nine months.

So,   so yeah, that's a long time, but our bond is , like our lights go off and we're not together, but then when we're back together,  the lights go back on, so.  Yeah. 

I love that. The lights came back on when we're back together. That's so beautiful. Yeah. What a lovely way to look at something.  Gosh, that must have been, that must have been hard when you were young. That young, going off and dancing and leaving your family. 

definitely.

I would say you've got FaceTime, but it's so hard, isn't it? Obviously in your situation as well, with you and your mother as well, you're together. Yeah. I'm Yeah. It's hard, isn't it? Because you feel like you're missing out on so much and everything goes on. But yeah, you just, it's FaceTime, but yeah, it was quite challenging because she's my best friend.

So I'd call her every day, but it just wasn't the same really. 

Yeah. 

Yeah. 

Yeah. I think when somebody is that close , it is difficult, isn't it? Yeah. 

Yeah. So much fun at the same time. Um, yeah, 

it must have been incredible.

Tell us about it. Tell us about it. Yeah. That's what I was going to say. 

Tell us about it. So it's a lot like traveling. So when you're on the cruise ship, , I was dancing like twice a day.  For  nine months at a time, , so you go to various locations to do rehearsals to learn all your shows.

So sometimes it was America, sometimes South Africa, sometimes Italy, every company was different. , and then after a month or so you go onto the ship  and then it's  rehearsal in the morning, two shows at night, and it was that cycle.

So, It was very demanding on your body, but also then you'd do a rehearsal in the morning and then you'd go out into a different country every single day.  So that was amazing. Yeah. Um, but it was mainly just coffee shops and Wi Fi, if I'm honest. Just trying to get a connection because it was so expensive on the ship to  pay for internet. 

And then there's a lot of things that go on with it. If you're missing home you turn to  alcohol or like for me personally that was a thing. So it's constantly like mood changes and then in the end it kind of, it was just amazing because I was getting to do what I always loved and I never thought I would like actually achieve coming from a small town in Taunton where dance is kind of, if you're a male dancer in Taunton  it's not appreciated. 

Um, so then really make it happen and travel the world 24 seven,  for like 10 or so years. 

You're giving me goosebumps. 

And I was like, what the hell? Yeah. You already are. Yeah. It's incredible. Especially the fact that you've gone, when you said from Taunton and,  dance, especially for a male dancer, that wasn't  a thing and you've done that and fulfilled your dream of doing it.

And I, it sounds like  it was also a struggle.  

It was a struggle when I was younger because I was really heavily believed and that was kind of like, I think my mum's always shown me that like, use that as your passion,  put your struggles and all your pain into something and make it beautiful and  I really did because then I was like screw you I'm gonna do this  , I'm gonna show you, and I did, and  now you're like, there, and I'm here, .

What sort of, what sort of things were happening then, , how were you treated, or what actually happened in the, in Taunton so, obviously being gay, like, I didn't actually know I was gay, like, everyone just told me. 

Yeah. Like, Oh, who knew?  Yeah. And then all ballet boy, ballet boy, ballet boy.

And I don't even do ballet. But then I did do ballet. And I was just like, it kind of was like an emotional roller coaster. Like fighting every single day to go to somewhere you hated. Constantly be bullied. And then, so at the age of 11, I decided I wasn't going to go to secondary school. And I was going to go to this dance school.

Um, in Cheshire. No, Chester. And I got in, I got the scholarship, but they gave it to the wrong person, they mixed it up.  

So then I had to go to secondary school. And that was awful. 

No! Oh my gosh! So you were told, you were told you had, hold on, let me get this clear. You were told you had the scholarship. 

Yeah, so it's the Hammond in Chester, sorry I just said Chester, I don't know what 
happened.

So I went there, it's where all the likes of stars from Hollyoaks, it's a really good school, and I went for the audition, got in, and then because money was hard, it was 35, 000 a year, like I just couldn't, my family couldn't afford that.  And then I went for the scholarship audition and I got, I went in and I got the scholarship but I was waiting to hear if I got the scholarship and they'd sent it out to the wrong person, like they'd mixed it up somehow. 

Oh my goodness. And then they dropped it to twelve and a half thousand so they wanted me to go but then I just couldn't do it. , so then I went to secondary school and it was just like, I thought I was really like, I'd have friends from doing impressions of  Catherine Tate and stuff, but really they were just making fun of me.

And then as it went on, I did dance and realized this is something that I really love. And I'd get  changed in the bathroom and eat my lunch in the bathroom, get pushed downstairs. My names were written on walls and it was just  the general  kid stuff. Um, and then at 15, I realized I was gay and then  half the people didn't even know I was gay.

Um, they didn't just believe me, but then you just use it in your passion, like, and then I went off to go to college and stuff, so it all worked out in the end, but yeah.

What was that realisation like for you? 

Um,  well, I kind of realised it, but my mum always knew, , she knew me from inside out, she always knew I was gay, but the realisation for me was like, I don't want to talk about it, I don't actually want to have that conversation with people, because it's just,  I knew I was that, but I didn't want to talk to anyone about it.

Um, and then it's just finding your feet and confidence. And I think then going to, then I auditioned at the age of 16  to then go to college. And then I auditioned for six different schools and got into all of them, some funding, some not. And yeah, I just, Then went to Stoke on Trent and I just, I really found my confidence and I was like, no, I'm, I know who I am.

And obviously very, very talented. I mean, you,  incredible what you've done. You should be so proud of yourself. 

Oh, thank you.  

Sorry, what was it that made the difference in Stoke when you went to Stoke? 

It was  the intimacy of their, some of the colleges, so my dance teacher when I was eight,   her friend was the principal at Stoke on Trent Steelworks, so I went there.

So I kind of was familiar, and when I was 11, I'm going on a, I go on tangents, sorry. No, do! Um, when I was 11 in dance school with this lady, Caroline Ashworth,  , she took me to Cats at the Bristol Hippodrome, and I got to go backstage because her best friend from college,  um,  was one of the twin cats in Cats, 

Wow.

And I got to go back. And then it was funny because then years later, so there was my dance teacher, Caroline Lee Lomas that was in Cats, and then Melody was my college teacher, and Andrew Margerison,  they were all  like, they were all from the same college. And then when I went to college, , The dancer from Catsley was my dance teacher.

Andrew was my dance teacher. Melody, her friend, was my um, principal. So it kind of all went full circle and it was just like amazing.   And yeah, that's why I went because I felt like really supported. It was only 14 people in the whole of the three years. I was the second boy in the whole college and you really got that one to one training. 

 You felt comfortable. It sounds like it was feeling of home. 

Yeah, 

So what happened  after you'd been to Stoke ? 

I was meant to complete my third , year of college, but what it was, it was like 70 a week to live with.

And that's, I was living with another family that went to the dance school because the college was a dance school and a college. , and  I turned 18 and then seven, like seven days after I turned 18, I was like, I want to go to an audition, like people in the third year. Cause I was in the second year  and people in the third year, really  they kind of leveled up when they went to auditions.

I didn't want to go on, uh, to like to work. I just wanted to kind of,  And then seven days after my birthday, I went to the audition and I was just there for a laugh, like not a laugh, but like just to experience it and I got the job. And people at my college had gone for this job and they were on the books for 12 months and I, within a month of the audition, I was literally ready to go.

Oh my goodness. 

Yeah, so my mum's a hairdresser and she decided for my college, she, at my dance school, she was going to work at Tesco's because she just wanted to focus around me and get me to the places because I really love my mum and I really appreciate everything she did and she just knew that that was what's going to happen.

And we've been through a lot, like she's been through the dark days and she's like, I just, I just love my mum. No, you appreciate that. So  she changed her job and she'd been spending like in a job that she hated,  and I was kind of draining her, getting her in debt. And I was like, this is my chance to just go.

So I just went and,  uh, then she went back and she built her own business and she's, she's amazing at what she does. Like she's an amazing person and dresser and wherever she does in her life. So, , that's why I decided to go to Cruise Chip.  

Well, you got this job and off you went. 

Yeah. So  I went on like loads of different contracts. The first few years of contracts I did not Fit into it.

It was alcohol, it was losing myself. It was all these things. My mom didn't know what to do. She was like, come home, don't come home. And I was like, no, I'm gonna do this. And then after a few contracts I did, because I think , I left a like couple contracts and then I was like, no,  I want this.

And so then I did it and it was kind of like a slap in the face to my mum because I was like, I'm just all your work, like I need to make this work. So I made it work and then I did that on and off. There was co , basically I worked my way up to .  A contract, a company and my manager was really horrible to me,  judge me all the time, showed me up in front of everyone.

And I had, this was the start of my anxiety because I had a lot of panic attacks on stage and it would be, she would be my main dance partner for  45 minutes, twice a night. And it was  seven day cruises and  five shows. So five days out of the week I was working. In the morning, dancing with her.

She was constantly judging me. , and then, , just kind of showing up. She always picked her favorite in the show.  That was her power trip.  And then, twice a night. So then, that was the start of my anxiety. And then, in order for me to get a, another contract with this company, I had to get stronger, because I hated the gym.

Like, I hated it. I really hated it. But, they were  Changing. So I was  two months into the contract and the managers came on cause they were installing new shows. They were updating the shows that were on the ship and they said to me , you need to do body shots every month.  So basically get another contract in the company.

And I  was like, right, I'm going to do this. So I had  two protein shakes a day, was always eating, always training like two times a day, being constantly judged and stuff like, Oh, have you done your pictures yet? Have you done your pictures? Have you been in the gym? And then three months later, I. I'm living this life in the Caribbean every single day, being tortured on stage, mentally, constantly on panic attacks, in the gym twice a day, eating, um, also drinking now and again.

And I, it came across  three months later, everyone was getting their contracts. They were sending for the next contract because four months before the end of a contract, you want to secure your next contract.  And  She was meant to have sent these pictures to the company and I emailed my manager who had asked me to go to the gym to show that I'm passionate about it.

And she said, you haven't sent me pictures, you haven't done what I've done. And I said, no,  she's meant to have sent you the pictures. And I went up to the gym and within 20 minutes, I came down and sent the picture and I got any contract I wanted because I had used that stress and pain and anxiety into like, I'm going to do this.

And then I got any contract I wanted. And. really showed her that I would. 

Yeah, so then I did another contract and,   basically I was on this next contract and I was like, actually, I'm going to get the highest paid company in the world of cruise ships for dancers.

So I made showreels day and night. Everyone was like, you're crazy,  you're not going to do that because it's like three and a half thousand dollars a month.  It was the highest paid. Yeah. And within two weeks I got a contract. 

Well done.  Well done. Well done. That's  incredible. 

 I put it on Facebook, and then she liked it, and I was like, screw you, bitch. 

Yeah, and then I went on this contract, and I was minted, and I was nearly debt free, and I was sending my mum all this money, and mum was like, what the hell? But then, there was like a lot of struggles that came with before I went on that contract.  Um, that worked out just life changing really. Should I just start talking about it now?

If you're happy to. 

Because I want to, because I feel like I was in a position where I have no one like me. And I feel like I will use this to, it doesn't define me and it's not anything, but I will help people. And I feel like this is the main reason I wanted to do this podcast and thank you. 

It's kind of closure on that kind of thing.

Um, it's like a counseling session. Um, so. I was basically on this contract with that manager  and  so  a month into the contract we were ready like the ship every five years cruise ships go into like maintenance it's called dry dock and dancers leave for 10 days and they come back so it's like a mid contract it's like a start of the contract break and the day before I left there was a guy that was there he was a shop manager on the ship and he was beautiful he was stunning You know, he was not really stunning, because he was a sadistic, evil person, , in the end.

But he had that, like, I'm factor, like, he chose me, and I was gonna be his, and that's what he said to me. So I met him, we spoke for  two hours, and he, I went, away for 10 days, came back, continued on, and basically started sleeping with him.  And I've been in a similar, I've been in a similar relationship like six months before this, and I was in a two year relationship, and I went to a medium reading, where my grandad and nan came through, and they said like, you need to protect yourself, because he is sleeping around.

So, I slept with, , multiple men after that. I'd got checked after my ex and I basically slept with multiple men but I didn't use protection with him and I freaked out. Six weeks out after sleeping with him I started to feel really ill. Like, I was really, really ill and I was wiped out. I had fever.

Like, no one else was I'm ill on the ship and my manager said that you're going to be fired like if you don't get back on the stage because you're faking it and I was like I'm not like I literally just can't and he nursed me he had all this bag of medications and he saw I'm on prep like it's fine and then two years later when I had the  was about to like To a medical for this new high paid contract on it was a HIV test and then I had to go out in China and basically I was diagnosed with HIV on boxing day like four years ago.

Oh my goodness.  

So, yeah, and It was an experience because , we'd  requested that we've done two contracts together and everything and he cheated on me the first contract and all this other stuff happened at this shop manager and he nursed me in those  that week and he  swore that he was on prep he swore all these things and I knew it, I basically, I went out in China, I had to do two tests, on Boxing Day I received the email, but my mum had already received the email, she's logged into my emails, and she just marked it as unread, but I rang her on Boxing Day, I was about to go on stage for a Bacari fashion show, and I was like, right, 

lights on, let's go,  but what am I gonna say to my mum,  and I rang her.

How did you? 

Sorry. Carry on so many questions.  . 

I know. So I'd obviously felt I had this medical, I had the check in China.

And I said, I've got HIV. Like I know I have got it. And the day I went for the first test, I told him, because he was leaving the ship, and I said, I'm going for a HIV test.

He said, cool, just let me know anyway, because I'll need to know my, I need to tell my boyfriend.  , and he would have nosebleeds all the time, and he wouldn't drink alcohol, he would go to bed early. Sometimes he had a nosebleed in my eyes, on my face, and it was just like, this guy's not bright.

But because he was so sadistic, and controlling, and  you couldn't ask him questions because you were scared of him, , because you would like, so in, Factual, I guess. Um, he just said, yeah, ,  didn't really care the fact that I was going for HIV test. . Um, anyway, I'm rambling on. Um, 

No, no, no, no, no. Our listeners will really want to hear that. And it's cathartic for you as well, probably.  

Because I just want to get closure,  and I always wanted to say, , if I had this, and someone, if someone else went through the same situation as me, and they were freaking the hell out, or if it's, , cancer, or if it's, , diabetes, or anything like that, , at least there's someone like me to say, , even if it doesn't feel okay right now, it will be okay, , and it will.

And I get moments like that, everyone does, but, , it will be okay, , Every day is a new day, you know, but how do you find that, especially the, for all the factors, everything that you've been through and you've accomplished,  you've carried on and carried on  and it's hard sometimes to keep on being that strong person.

Yeah. 

Like it is, it really is. Yeah. 

And, and to find that grit and that determination is just incredible. And the fact that you. We're in China, and it was Boxing Day, and I  mean, what, that must have been fucking mental. 

Yeah, I know it was, because then it was like, lights on, let's go, let's launch a Bugari, like, you know, Bugari, like the big fashion brand.

Yeah, yeah, 

yeah. 

It's like, shit. Let's go.  So then,  my best friend, Bence, he was there in my room, his girlfriend was there as well. My partner I had a partner at the time, not partner, but like ship kind of thing, and he was also, , a virgin, and I was like, I'm gonna I've given you it. , what the hell, like, all this other stuff went into it, , I couldn't have kids, I couldn't adopt, I couldn't have kids, I couldn't have a future, , and I was like, how Evil people to do this to people like, you know, you've got it take medication and  I didn't actually know anything about it I thought I had the plague like I was like, don't anyone come near me and then , so, it was Boxing Day, I found out about it, and then three days later I got a flight to go home without, about three days, like, I tried to chop myself off the ship and everything. 

It was scary, because I just can't do this, , I haven't got a life anymore, , and he's done this to me, like, I knew he had done it. Um, because I'd used protection with everyone I'd slept with since then, and hadn't got a check in between, and I knew it was him.  Anyway, so I was in the, in my room that night, and I was just getting drunk, and I was like, my life's over, tried to cut myself off.

I was like jumping over the banister and my roommate pulled me down and she pinned me down on the bed like and slept with me that night  so I went home and then I got back to the UK to my mom and I wouldn't touch my mom.

 I wouldn't touch her. I was like, get away from me. She just mentioned it downstairs actually. She said, Um, like the hardest thing was, and she still cries now because she said, like, you come off the airport, she said, I rolled like 20 fags in the car and I smoked them all.  And she's like, I was so stressed.

And then I got off the plane and she went to hug me and I just like shoved her away. I was like, do not fucking touch me. And then she needed more fags rolling in the car. And I said, no, no, you have to roll them yourself because my saliva, that's going to go on you.  It was a journey back from London  and went all the way to the medical center.

They like the Swish Clinic. They basically tested me straight away and then they said, I had a counselor and they basically said like, this is the best thing to have compared to cancer because you know how it's gonna go. She said, we know how it's gonna go. You're gonna be fine. She said, within a couple months you're gonna be  undetectable, which basically means, so HIV is a virus.

 If you're undetectable means  like untransmittable, you can have kids with it.

The virus, you just keep the virus down and then it's almost like you don't have it. Like, Yeah, it's manageable. And you will not spread it to anyone.   I had this contract that I'd worked so hard for and I was like, I'm going to lose it.

 The main reason I did the test is because I was like, this is a 500 test. And I know that I've got HIV, like, I'd seen so many signs. I was tired all the time. I was drinking like four coffees a day. I was going to the gym, , I was knackered.  I was seeing Madonna's, um, documentaries and every documentary in sight was like HIV, HIV, HIV. 

And then they basically said  you can still go on that contract. You just have to be in the country for six months.  Undetectable and you can leave the country so then the company actually rearranged  the contract four times for me and they were like, we want you as a dancer to work here.

Oh, how lovely.  

Which is still like, fuck you.  It's still like, I'm going to do this and I am going to do this because I'm not letting him take my power. Like, I am not doing this. I'm going to use this, how my mum's trained me, I'm going to use this, and I am going to be a success. And then, I told this shop manager, the one that gave it to me, and his best friend was a medical doctor, so he gave me this blood test of being HIV  negative, but of course he would, because he could literally just fake it.

So, and I still say to him today,  yeah, like, he's evil. 

This man sounds so Horrendous. Evil. Evil. Yeah. Unfortunately, there  are a few of them, um, in the world, but fortunately , the light outweighs the dark.  Yeah. 

Going back to the fact that when you were in London with your mom and you'd gone through what you'd gone through in those few days, coming back from China,  it must have been hearing the doctor say to you,  that it's,  it's not transmissible and you can have children that must, that, how did you feel in that moment?

I still didn't feel like it was possible,  but I knew it would be, I knew it would be. And I've always wanted a, I've always wanted a family of my own because, you know, it's I wanna, like, break the mould, as my partner says, , I'm gonna break the mould, and I'm like, actually, I'm gonna break the mould,   I have a dad, my dad, right, so,  we're not connected by blood, but he's raised me from the age of seven, and he has really been my father, , and I don't need anyone else to be my dad than him, because he has showed me,  like it's about love, but I also want to have my own family because I want to be everything my actual spam dad is not,  and I want to break the mold of that, and I'm gonna do that, and that's why I was like kind of heartbroken when I like felt I don't have kids, but I can have kids.

And I can get married and I can do whatever I like. 

Yes! I love that. I think that needs an applause there. 

When you said about, everything that you'd been through.  You're obviously a very  you're very resilient, you know, you've got that true grit.  

Yeah. Yeah. 

And, but, you know,  Is there anything, you know, for anybody who might be listening to this podcast or whatever, is there any tools in particular that you actually used?

 What was your go to?  Was there anything in particular? Yeah. 

Yeah.  I would say,   the thing I think about,  it might feel really shit at the time, whether you're having a bad day,  you've gotta use,  something, like, this is where you're at right now, and you're gonna get there, , And you might think that I'm just not going to get there, but you know, so you use that and you really just push through because you might think that I have no, I have no way of getting there, but I will get there.

And you use that inner strength. Like, I always say, like, I got tattooed saying never give up, like find strength because you cannot give up. Like you just have to find strength, something in you, even if it's like, I'm going to do a small thing and I'm going to do that. And then it builds up and take it slowly because you are strong.

Like everyone's got that. It's just how. They use it and  it's hard to practice what you preach, but honestly, like you've got to use where you want to go and you've got to use everything you can to literally just stay there in that moment and just see the next day because  you got to reign when it's raining, don't you?

You know what I mean? You have to, you have to, and you have to find it in strength. And even if you have no strength, know that you will have strength. And then when you get that strength, build on it. And then slowly, slowly, you'll get there because.  Even now though, four years later, I still, I've had times recently where I'm like, Oh my God, like, I'm, I'm ill. 

But I'm not.  I know that tomorrow's going to be a new day and I'm going to get through that. I'm going to get back to my happy pace and  it's just always a journey. But I would say that's my tool, like, use your inner strength. Because you have it. You just have to believe in yourself. Even if no one else believes in you, like me, being from Swanston, no one could even do that.

Well, I did it because I believed in myself.   

 Yeah. Yeah.  I've got every admiration for you. You've done so  very, very well, really well. Yeah. Because there's a lot of people on a journey out there and they don't realize and they think they're alone. 

 And it's when we share things like this, that they realize that they're not alone,  and when I've just heard your story there, it's really. Amazing.  

I believe that everything happens for a reason.  We were all put here for a purpose. , even though you have like, what is my purpose? My purpose is to literally use this, be a strong person and literally help other people. And that's why I'm here.  

I love that.

So, apart from your mum, who you've spoken about and you clearly love, and she's been there supporting you, she sounds like a lovely person. She really does.  Um, who else has been a big influence in your life  .

Um,  if anyone sees this in my family and they're like, well, what about me?  If I'm honest,  my mum,  , and I know that sounds really, but like, that is all I need. But all I need is my mum. And.  In recent life, I've returned that to her, because,  if I'm honest, , the last three years, like, this is the reason I walked away from my industry, if I am honest, because I, I don't know, people, people in my family are going to hate me saying this, , and I don't really care,  because they are showing up now, but  I, there was a lot of things that happened with my mom, like she had to leave her business because of stuff, , and I was obviously living this life on , Oh my God, I'm going out every day.

I'm living this life. I'm earning so much money, , and she's had to  stop her business,  because  she just, she had like a bad knee. Um,   and then other things happened and  family reasons. I was like, I have to be present for my mom because no one else can be .

So I walked away.  Something happened,  where basically she just, she was on her own,  that's how she felt.  Her husband,  my dad,  he's always there for her. And my brother, he is, and my sister is as well. But  there was something that kind of took away from that.  I came back for 10 days, went back, and then I was like, I have to actually put my mum first, because I cannot be like that,  I have to be present, I'm missing so much, and she's given everything to me, and I need to live up to my name right now, how she feels and she thinks about me, I have to be there first, so I came back, and then we've gone through a whole process, and she's so much better, and she's  At the end of recovery,  but I would do it all again like I really would because she is my rock.

And if I'm talking about influences and stuff, yeah.  There's my dad that's really supported me and been there and he is. But there is no one like my mom, we know each other inside out. When her dad died, I was there for her. My dad was there. Um, but it was like she's my rock. Like she knows me inside out, we're the same person.

Um. And she's been my main influence. Yeah, my dance teacher to,  kind of help me, , see that I wanted to dance and stuff. But, , She, like my HIV, she has been there for me through thick and thin, and I know whatever day and night I can go to my mum, and she can do the same to me,  I don't care, , she's such a strong person, and to get through what she got through just distills that in me even more, because she has put her,  like, my sister's like my dad, and my mum's like me, I'm like my mum, and  yeah, she's my main influence in life..  

She probably knows it, but if she listens to the podcast, she'd be very pleased to hear that as well. Cause you get the passion is coming from your heart. You can really feel that, 

 The first year of my diagnosis, I couldn't even carry on.  With  seeing the romantic side of my life, I had to tell every single person I had it. Like, and if people go for that, where they're anxious because they have to tell everyone, like, she kind of, like, Bill, like, she said, doesn't define you.

And  even today,  I said about it last week, I want to talk about this because I said it does not define me anymore, but I need to help people. If I'm put here for a reason to help them and show them they will be okay. 

But I think we're all our own soulmates. I learned that through,  doing work, like, you'll never let yourself down. You'll always be there for yourself. You can always rely on yourself. 

You mentioned about working with your anxiety,  and the fact that you were having the panic attacks and everything else. What is it, what are the tools that you're using?  

Um, just  breathing, , sometimes on, um, podcasts. There's actually one podcast, Mel Robbins, she came, she went on the Diary of a CEO, have you seen that?

Yeah, she's brilliant.  

She, she really helped me that day I saw that because then there was something in my life that was similar and I just like relieved it and since I like, but also my partner like he's really relieved my anxiety. He's quite an anxious person himself. He's very similar to me and I gave up, I was like I don't ever want to be with anyone anyway because, I don't want to have to tell them I've got HIV, I don't want to do this, I want to do that, like, I'm myself, I'm my own soulmate.

But  he's relieved my anxiety because he's so selfless as well, and  but he, he gave up his life to like, literally look after his mum.

And I do the same.  He just, he's so selfless and I really resonate with selfless people and people that want to help people.

And my anxiety personally is just breathing, look at resources, so many resources out there, like your podcast is going to help so many people. That's why I was so drawn to you because I'm like, Oh my God.  Um, it's okay. And I do, I think you're doing such a good job, like doing this.   

Anxiety was like just breathing tools. finding what makes you feel safe. Like if something doesn't make you feel comfortable, if something makes you feel uncomfortable, don't do it. And then build yourself up to do it. Um, it even came to the point where I would have panic attacks around my dinner table with my family. Like it was really bad.

Because HIV really changed me in the way that I felt like I was ill, like I felt like I was sick, , within a month I was undetectable, but still I felt ill, and I felt like everyone was seeing me for that. , I wouldn't shave my beard,  or wear hats because I looked like I had, , sorry, but I looked like I had cancer, like, I looked ill, like an AIDS infested person.

Um, I don't cry at movies, I watch It's a Sin and that literally just broke me and my mum to pieces.  , but anxiety wise, it takes time. ,  and you might think you're in this place now, but if you, there's so many resources out there. You are your own best friend and your own help because,  yeah, you can seek the help.

You can get, like, I had talking therapies for it as well, and it gave me the tool, , of how to deal with those stressful things.  For example, , anxiety,  you feel like you're in a burning car and you need to get out of it. .

 You might think you're so weak and not strong, but like you are strong enough to get your self, self through it.

And there are people around you as well as well.   

There is always somebody around you and people are more willing to help than you think. 

Yeah. 

Yeah. 

And you might be here now, but you won't be there in like a week or a month or a year or something.

You might be like, Oh God, I actually got through that.  

yeah. If you look back. 

Yeah. 

That's what's happened. And you think, how strong am I to actually have got through that? 

You mentioned a while ago that you were having panic attack mid dance on stage.

I, yeah.  So I, I would start having anxiety because I was on a second contract with the highest paid company for dancers. And I was eating one day in the mass, like you had to eat with people.

And my anxiety was like, no one wants to talk to me, like, no, I'm not good enough to talk to someone. And what it was is that I came through such a, this is when HIV really hit me. It's all about HIV, but it's not.  I basically started this contract. We had a month's rehearsals, but my visa had messed up. It was in America, but my visa had been stamped wrong.

So I should have been stamped on a visa that let me stay there for six months, but I could only stay there for 14 days. And this was at the lead up to Christmas. So I was in America with my whole team, but we were meant to be there for two months, but I got shipped off to the ship early because I couldn't stay in America.

So I got put through this. Um, Isolation for seven days because of COVID, and then I got put with this cast that was already there,  and I had no idea who they are. Like, I'm scared,  and also, I'd only told one person in the cast, who I thought was really my best friend, like, you know when you just click about a person, you're crying, I couldn't even lift her up, we couldn't even dance together, because people would cry, like, with laughter, she's Australian, like, the best person, she's very young, and I told her about it, I was very, very nervous.

Um, strung in my mind that I wasn't going to tell anyone because this is not who I am. This is just that. Um, and I told her, so I was on this ship and they had like a month or a month and a half left together. And as they were on the ship, she was best friends with my roommate and she told him, she told my roommate who I hadn't told.

She didn't have all the answers for him. Like if someone's going to lift someone that I'm going to kind of touch the top, can I do this and then do that? Like, Oh my God, like what the hell? She didn't have the answers for him. So how dare you? He betrayed me, and I told her that. Um, so then I'm in this cabin with him.

Also, I was so disconnected from my class. They'd all made their connections, and I was on my own. Like, I'm so on my own. And also, like, the things with my mum and my family were going on, and I just felt so alone. Like, so I put myself in the gym twice a day, and I didn't eat, because when I,  I had a feeling that he knew, but he never told me.

It's like a month into it, there were hot dogs in the mess and I had a problem with my mouth at the time, like just my jaw would like shake. She commented on it and I was like, she's like, why do you, why do you, why are you eating like that? Um, in an Australian accent, I'm not gonna do it. Um, but she, um,  I had to pick the new news.

So one day, I didn't want to eat in the mess either anymore, like the mess is the canteen. Didn't want to eat in the mess anymore because I felt like everyone was looking at me when I So I didn't eat. I went to the gym every day. I had protein shake all the time. I had panic attacks. I was taking pre workout, which is basically so stronger than caffeine.

Like, it's crazy. And I would be up all day, um, dancing on stage to loads of people.  Covid as well. And one day, I told him,  like, oh, um, actually, let me just get deep with you for a second. And I just started talking about it. And I was at, like, the start of the story. And I said, and then I met this guy. He was like, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

He was at the end of the story.  She So you don't, hasn't she? Yeah. Like she has told you. I said, and who else knows who else in this whole cast knows who else on the ship knows? You don't even know. And then I was telling him all the answers. He had all these questions, said she doesn't have that for you.

And she told him, I have admiration and like high, like I was like an icon for doing that, but it's not your case. Like, do not do that. So then that night after I spoke to him and came out and he was like, whatever  our job on the ship was not, we had like a month, month cruises like. Our life was amazing.

Like we had month cruises, we could drink, it was all inclusive cruises. We just could go and watch gas and entertainers like Vegas tribute acts and all these high paid, um, even come on the ship, get paid 20 grand for like four days. Like, And I sat in this, in this show, it was only a small theatre, it was like 400 people, and um,  I always had this whine and then memories from Andrew Lloyd Webber, like, it was like, my cast was singing, but I also knew my cast, and it was memories, and I was sobbing so hard, like, I broke down.

But I'm working. I'm actually socialising, like, I'm sat there watching the show and I'm sobbing, like, you could hear me. And I had to leave the show because I was sobbing and broke down. I was like, oh my god, I can't, I can't be here, I can't be here. Can't dance, but we had a duet as well.  So then it really started the next couple months.

I went home for 10 days to see my mum came back, because obviously the situation that happened and um, they literally, I would ask them like, are you going out today? And they were like, no, no, we're not going out. Four, four hours later, they'd all come back with like 20 shopping bags that will be together.

Um, I, we had like the start of the cruise that was like, we'd all do different dances. We'd have a group number, which at the, group number, there was three dances, and at the end of it, me and this girl danced together, and my legs just went dead one show, and I hadn't drunk or eaten all day, I'd been to the gym twice, and I was doing this, I just couldn't move my legs in the warm up, like, the practice of it, and my roommate was on before, like, before this dance, so it was an amazing dance.

And I felt embarrassed, like I felt so embarrassed and shit about myself and anxious and stuff. And in the warm up and the real practice of it, like I went blank, like my legs wouldn't move.  And then when I was in the actual performance, the theater was so full, um, the lights were so on, it was being recorded, I did this dance and everything went black, everything went orange and I just like went to the floor and I just couldn't move and I crawled off like I was drunk.

That's all I can explain is, I was drunk and I couldn't see and I crawled off the stage, I stumbled off like someone hit me in the head because it had been recorded so then it was played every single like 20 minutes for the whole time. Shit, like, the TV. And I had a panic attack and I was like, I can't be here anymore.

And I was scared to do that dance. I was scared to dance on stage. I was scared to, like, go to the gym. I was scared to eat. I was scared to do this. And I was like, I just need my mum. So then I just, like, another situation happened at home. I was like, I told you, family, I'm coming home. So I went home and it's the best decision I made. 

I knew that it would be okay. I knew that I'd done those three years of getting over it, not letting it define me,  and I'm here now. And I knew it would be okay, and it's okay.

Yep. Absolutely. 

You had that belief. You had that innate belief that it would be okay. You've got to use that inner belief, like, it will be okay. Yeah. It will. Yeah.  

So, now, you are, Yeah.  building up your, well, you're, you're working for yourself. You've got your own business, virtual Jordan.  Yeah, I love that name.

Yeah. I love that name. But it's virtual Jordan on Instagram. 

Okay. Sorry. What is it? I miss what you said. So 

it's, it's JJH virtual, like Jordan Joshua Harvey virtual, but on Instagram  it's virtual. jordan, just because the username was taken. 

So you're, you're doing your own thing. You've got your own business, you've changed careers, um, and you're doing something else. Amazing again. 

Yeah. It's just  I always know I'd be a business owner. Like I knew that. And my career on ships just turned into like a transaction, like I'm there for the money, but then I want to, I love transforming someone's day and making it somewhat like so much easier and like helping take stress away from someone. So, and I love social media as well. So that's why I offer like just increase, like literally increase someone's brand awareness from doing that social media. And I'm gonna basically, take ownership of my own time and be present in my family more.

Congratulations. 

I'm not that broken person anymore. 

You're not that broken person anymore. And it will be okay.

so, it's a lesson for anyone listening who is feeling on their own or going through something similar, that you can go through everything that you have gone through,  um, and still,  still carry on and still have a happy life. 

Yeah, definitely.  And it does not define you. 

No. 

You define you. 

Yeah. You actually define yourself because you are yourself. Like, you are what makes you, you. 

Yeah. It's not the stuff that happens to you. 

No one has the right to take that from you. So this is me from this podcast taking back my power because I'm not a famous celebrity that's going to have this platform to be like, Oh my God, everyone, this happened to me. 

I knew there'd be a time in my life to take it and literally help other people, , help you do your job because you want to share, , your expertise and, , you helping other people, which I was like, this is the time, , if there's anything, if I can't talk about it, I'm scared of it and I'm not scared of it.

I am not scared of it.  

Thank you. We really appreciate it.  And  you being so open and yeah, being a part of this 

yeah. But the main thing as well, I wanted to do this as far as that I was thinking.  , imagine, , if someone's watching this and they're, like, saying,  Wait, you own a business and you are talking about that.

And my mum goes, this could harm your business. I said, I don't, I don't care. I said, if no one, if someone's going to do that, I said, I don't want to work with them. 

No. 

And if anyone wants to do that, that is on them. Because anyone who treats you in a way that is, like, not good to you, or if someone's bringing to the table what you're not bringing to the table, then I don't want to work with those people and anyone who judges you for something can go.

Yeah, they're not your people. They're not your tribe, that's what I say. Yeah, they're not your tribe. No, 

no,  they can do one and I'll do me.  

Well, listen, you're, you are a perfect version of you.  And you should actually, you should be proud of what you've come through and what you've achieved and how you've had that strength of mind. And that true inner strength and that true grit to keep on keeping on.

And to keep on reigning when it's raining!

Definitely. And people need to be so thankful that you're here because you've arrived girls. I'm so happy that you're doing this.  

Thank you for your time.

It's been amazing and I'm sending you lots of love and, um, yeah, that's from both of us. We appreciate you.  

Thank you so much.  

Thank you very much.  Don't cry. Pull yourself together. 

I know. What's wrong with me?  

Thank you so much to our wonderful guest, Jordan. He has a lot of exciting new projects coming up. So make sure you follow him on Insta. And if you're a business owner who would like to grow your social media, Jordan is your guy. There is more information on how to contact him in the show notes. So the key takeaways today are one, no matter where you come from or what challenges you face, you can achieve your dreams.

Two, in your dark moments have a strong support system  can make all the difference. Three, life can throw unexpected challenges your way. Don't let it define your future. Continue to pursue your passions and goals, even if it means adjusting your path.  4. There are people who want to help.

It's okay to ask for support. You don't have to go through this alone. 5. Everyone has inner strength, even when it feels as if it's hidden. 6. If you're struggling with anxiety, panic, or any other mental health issues, don't ignore them. Find healthy coping mechanisms that work for you. 7. Stigma can be a heavy burden, but it doesn't have to define your experience. 

Eight. Sometimes the challenges you face can lead you to a deeper purpose.  So your homework for this week. Take some time to think about the challenges you've faced in life. Write down at least three specific obstacles you've overcome. How did you handle those situations and what strengths did you discover in yourself? 

Share your strengths with us if you're happy to. Be brave and post it on social media. Tag us and use the hashtag Reignmaker, R E I G N M A K E R. Depending on where you're listening, you might have a link to get in touch with us below. Otherwise, please send us an email or message us on social media. The links are in the show notes. 

And if you enjoyed this episode, please share with someone you think might like or benefit from it. And please leave us a rating or review. It really does help us spread the word, and we can't do that without you, our lovely listeners. Thank you, Reignmakers.