Dolina: From Childhood Adversity to Entrepreneurial Success

 From Childhood Adversity to Entrepreneurial Success with Co-Host Dolina. 

In this episode, Abi interviews her Mumma and Co-Host Dolina about her challenging childhood in the Outer Hebrides of Scotland. Born as an illegitimate child and raised in a harsh environment, she shares vivid and emotional memories of abuse, isolation and adversity. Despite these hardships, she discusses how her resilience, inner strength and early work experiences shaped her mindset and drove her to become a successful hypnotherapist and entrepreneur. The conversation touches on the significance of mindset, overcoming fears, and the impact of surrounding oneself with the right people. With poignant personal stories and valuable insights, this episode aims to inspire listeners who have faced similar adversities to believe in themselves and pursue their dreams.

00:00 Introduction to the Guest and Topic

00:33 Early Childhood Challenges

00:57 Life in the Outer Hebrides

01:53 Struggles with Family Acceptance

04:42 Abuse and Isolation

06:50 Moments of Joy and Solace

08:57 Impact of Childhood on Adult Life

14:50 Starting a Healing Journey

16:52 Entrepreneurial Spirit and Overcoming Fears

20:43 The Power of Mindset and Community

23:58 Overcoming Adversity: A Personal Journey

24:46 The Power of Education and Self-Belief

25:21 Dating and Self-Worth

28:29 The Impact of Hypnotherapy

32:35 Advice for Aspiring Entrepreneurs

37:53 Facing Life-Threatening Challenges

40:50 Inspiration and Final Thoughts

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Homework for this week:  

Research a successful person who has faced adversity. Write a brief summary of their story, focusing on how they overcame challenges and persisted through rejection. Reflect on what lessons you can apply to your own life

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Transcript

 Welcome to How To Reign When It's Raining, the podcast for aspiring and current entrepreneurs who face life's toughest challenges and are ready to transform their mindset for success. 

(Music Playing)

 Hi, and welcome back. You're with Abi and Dolina. We have a great show for you today. We're discussing childhood adversity and I'm interviewing Dolina, AKA Mumma. Please listen for key takeaways and action steps at the end. Yes, we will sometimes be setting you homework. You don't have to do it, but it will help you on your journey.  Please forgive us for the editing. We're still learning and it's messy. Thank you for listening.

 So next week's show, we have a guest who has gone through adversity, especially in childhood. And that's something that we wanted to talk about today.  Thank you. We thought   mum having been through,  adversity herself, in childhood and throughout her life, that it would be a good idea to, , to interview mum, which is a bit strange because,  yeah, we don't normally do this and, I don't know why I feel a little bit nervous. 

Can you share a bit about your childhood and some of the challenges you faced growing up? 

Oh, goodness. That's a huge question, some of the challenges I faced and some of the childhood. Okay. Well, it's quite a long story and I'm going to keep it as succinct and short as possible otherwise we'll be here forever.  I grew up in the Northwest coast of Scotland in the Outer Hebrides, um, in a little tiny island called Barra, which is predominantly Catholic.  And I was an illegitimate child. Um, and I was born in Glasgow, um, because I was complicated from even when I was in the womb. 
So,  my mother was putting me up for adoption because my, she lived with my grandfather and my grandfather didn't want me back, um, home.  So she was putting me up for adoption and my great aunt said, bring her back here. , so I'm assuming my mother loved me then, , cause she didn't want to give me up for adoption.
You've got this newborn baby and, uh, You know, it's, you've got a huge feeling of love.  Well, I did when my children were born. So I'm assuming that everybody else has as well, but that might be a wrong assumption, I don't know. , anyway, she didn't want to give me up, but she had no option. And then my great aunt stepped in.
Her name was Flora and or Flory in Gaelic cause Gaelic was my first language. Um, and then I went back there and then eventually, apparently my grandfather there, sort of. Said, come, just come here and live here as well. So we went, uh, if anybody knows the geography of Hebrides, there's not a lot of people that live there.
It's quite isolated  and it's, um, we didn't even live in the main town.  And the main town has a few houses, a few shops, and there's one main street in and out. There's a butcher's, there's a baker's, candlestick makers. Do you know what I mean? That's it. There's a petrol station, a co op. and a big church and it's a very small tight knit community and We lived in a place that was a few miles from the main town because we had a croft.

And a croft is a small farm, we lived there and we didn't have any running water or electricity, and we had stone floors and we used to go up to the hills to cut peat for the fire because we had quite a lot of land.  And therefore the winters were cold, harsh.  And then, but it wasn't just harsh in the sense of the weather, it was harsh in the sense of being an unwanted child. 

So that gives you a bit of a picture initially. So it wasn't just me. And I know that this is going to sound as if my mother was a bit of an alcoholic.  Slut, but I don't actually think she was because I didn't expect you to say that. No, but , my mother had another child before me. She had a daughter before me.

 My older sister, who was two years, two months and two days older than me. But she actually, her father came from the Island. So she was totally accepted,  but my father didn't. So I wasn't accepted.  , my father was actually from Pakistan,  so my mother's, my mother was, she died two years ago, so she was, um, fair with reddish hair and blue green eyes and very, very pale, pale white skin. 

And, um, Look at me, I've got long, dark hair, brown eyes, and I've got all of these, all of these skin. And I'm really tall. Mind you, my mother was quite tall, but I'm really, well, I'm fairly tall as well, because my biological father was six foot seven. Anyway,   that was that.  

We lived there, but my grandfather didn't accept me. And my mother was struggling. I think she found it really hard, um, to accept me as well. And my grandfather used to beat the living daylights out of me. Um, I remember I've got such a vivid memory of one night, I must've been about three or four.  And I woke up in the middle of the night. I was delirious. I was poorly. I remember looking for, woke up sleepwalking. I was looking for my wellies. I loved my wellies. I was always outdoors in my little red wellies.  And. I woke up under the bed looking for my wellies in the middle of the night,  and I had a fever and I was really poorly, and the next day I was forced to try and eat this  potato and, um, food, bowl of food that, um,  Um, we were having, and I couldn't eat it and I was sick into my bowl of food and my grandfather just got a hold of me and beat me so hard  that, honestly, sorry,  it was, it was awful. 

Um, there was another time I went to the well for water with my sister  and she had the big bucket and I had the little bucket. And we got them back home and standing in the hall and I stepped backwards  and I kicked the bucket over by mistake. And I got beaten so hard  for kicking the bucket over. I must've been about four or five.

So that was my life basically.  And then I remember,  uh, my sister was invited to this birthday party. Um,  and they invited me too, and my mother wouldn't allow me to go.  And my sister was going and I was screaming at the door and crying, wanting to go. And I was really causing eruption,  wanting to go  and she wouldn't let me.
And, uh, and then the people that whose party it was said, come on, we'll let Dolina go. We'll, we'll look after her.  And I must've been about six then or seven.  And I went to this party and what they had done, one of the things they had done is they had hidden chocolates all around the house. They were quite well off and we weren't, we were quite poor, although we had our own house and our own croft and we were quite poor.
Anyway, we went to the party and everybody else was finding chocolate. I used to be really nervous. I was a really nervous child because I was scared all the time. I lived in fear. Um, I had to be careful what I said, what I did. Would I get beaten up? Would I get slapped? Would I get hit? Was I, you know, , and I remember going to this party at this house and they were, , They were hiding chocolates everywhere. 
I found, everybody else was finding chocolates and I couldn't find any. And I think the, the father of the household took pity on me. And he started telling me where there was one. And I found this caramac, I picked up this cushion and I found a caramac under that cushion.  Oh my God, I was  ecstatic that I had found a caramac.

Now, if you think people these days,  for anybody else who has grown up in a normal kind of loving household, You know, that wouldn't mean anything, but for me, that was huge that I still remember that and it's a real vivid memory for me. Um, anyway, that was that life went on. I was getting older.  We moved, we sold the house, we sold the croft, we moved to the main town and then we got all the mod cons like an inside loo,  um, and, uh, all these things.

My relationship with my. Mother was  one minute she was nice, but the next minute she was absolutely awful. And therefore you could never relax.  And that's definitely affected me in an older life where, , you think something good's going to happen. And then you know that it's going to be taken away from you.
There's quite a lot of things that have happened.  I feel that I'm talking ever such a lot. 

No, no, you're not at all.  That's why I asked, ,   to talk about your childhood and some of the challenges you faced growing up and  , how did your early life experiences shape your outlook , on the world?

my, goodness, that's a good question.   I suppose that,  let me just go back and I'll answer that question  in a minute.  Um,  my mother married my stepfather. She met this man, my stepfather, and she married him  and they had three  sons together, and  he was absolutely lovely.  And what a brave man to have taken on my mother.  And two illegitimate children.  
And he was, he was my solace as well as my great aunt. Cause my great aunt also had a croft or more of a smallholding and she used to have hens, chickens. She used to have cows and sheep and we used to go and make haystacks. And,   I used to share the sheep with her.   I used to go up to the hills and share the sheep with her.

I used to feed the hens and the chickens. I used to run to the, um, hen house in the morning and put my hands under the hens and they'd peck at my hands to get the fresh eggs. So these were the good memories when I was with my great aunt. She was amazing. I think she, she had what we call second sight. 

Like you.

Honestly, she was psychic. Definitely psychic. She was just amazing. And I'll, I'll touch on something that's happened since then in an adult life. But she died quite a long time ago and I can never remember the dates. And she had a good inning. She was well in her eighties when she died. Um, but she was amazing 'cause we used to get, um, hawkers or Tinkers or whatever you wanted to call them, that's what we used to call them,  coming to pedaling their wares. 
They would tie all their wares in a big sheet and carry it on their, over their shoulder. on their backs. And when they used to have tents that they used to put up. And in the winter, when it was awful weather, in the summer as well, when it was awful weather, because it was very windy, it's an exposed island.
Um, my great aunt always gave them shelter.  She always accommodated them, even if it was in the buyers or in the outhouses, which it mainly was, she would always, they'd come knocking and she'd always give them shelter. She, she was that kind of person. 

Yeah, she sounds, I wish, I wish I could have met her. I know that it's not possible, but, uh, yeah.

No, but she, she was lovely. So yes, and we, I lived there quite a lot.  Um, now she had two sons, one, they were much older than me, so I didn't really have a lot to do with them, but one of them was awful to me whenever he was around. He was away at sea. A lot of people from these islands go to, into the merchant Navy.
And he was away at sea, but when he came back, he was absolutely nasty. He was really, really nasty. The stuff that I heard and put up with, and it was verbal, mental, physical abuse from so many people. It was awful.  Um. 

And exclusion as well, you know, I know that you, I know that obviously you're my mum, so I know a lot of the, the things,  I know that exclusion was a big part of your life  when you were younger.

Yeah, exclusion was, and being on my own because at school, I hardly had any friends.   And then people say, Oh, she's so nervous. And my mother used to tell me ghost stories if I never wanted to listen to them, which I didn't. And I still don't like stuff like that. She would out cover my hands or put them over my ears and she'd grab my wrists  and she'd make me listen to the ghost stories.
And then. She'd send me upstairs in the dark, wouldn't allow me to put the light on, on the landing  and  tell me there was a ghost on the landing and send me upstairs to get something. And I was so, so, I'm surprised I didn't have a heart attack, if I'm being honest. I was so, so scared.  And  honestly, I remember these things vividly.

It was awful. Absolutely awful.  So yeah. Yeah. And then at school. You know, people used to say, Dolina, you're so nervous. And, oh yeah, you know, we don't,  we can't give her a lift to school because her breath is different to ours. Um, I was just totally excluded, all because I look different. I wasn't allowed to have long hair, because I reminded my mother too much of my Asian roots and my father. So my hair was cut short, so short like a boy's, I looked like a boy cause I was tall and skinny and I was tanned. And, um,  there was a couple of girls that were nice, you know, but it would be things like,  you can't play on the swing, you've got to do this before you can do that. 
You're the one that has to earn  your way. You have to earn your way.  You have to earn us to like you. It was always that. And that's really been a reflection in my adult life. I've got to earn somebody's love. I can't just be accepted.  without condition.  There was always a condition to being accepted. And that certainly lasted with me into my adult life.

Um, and I think with our podcast, and as you know, Abi,  that it's actually brought out a lot of things, emotions in me.  Um, As I'm, as I've actually began to real  start on a real healing journey, which becoming a hypno, hypnotherapist,  nine years ago  and my own healing journey started from there. And it's amazing and certainly the best thing I've ever done.

And now, when I look back at my old age of 63,  and , I wish I had the confidence before to realize that  for anybody listening, you are enough. If you've been brought up in adversity, you are enough as you are. You do not need to prove anything to anyone. 

There was a time when my mother locked me in my bedroom upstairs. She didn't physically lock the door because there wasn't a lock on the door, but I was so scared of her. She introduced my stepfather's cousins who came over from Canada, introduced them to my siblings. My sister, my older sister and my three brothers  made me stay in my bedroom and pretended I didn't exist. 

I mean,  Yeah,  trying not to cry  and being protective of you because you're my mummma. 

So that was just some, some of the stuff,  I've always had to earn somebody's love,  that I've always had to earn and  that I was never good enough as just me.  Um, and that I didn't have a voice,  um, and I can see that still reflecting now in when I'm public speaking,  anything like that,
I'm getting better.  I'm not 100 percent there yet, but I'm 90 percent of the way,  considering where I've come from. 

Yeah, absolutely. And, and also the, you know,  the, uh, other adversities that you faced, older in life, did your past adverse adversities play a role in your decision to start your own business? 

I think I always said something to prove.  So yes, is the answer to that.  I think I always knew.  That there was more than just working for somebody else. I always had that  ability to prove that I can do this.  I can do this. I, cause as I was growing up and as I got older and,  and then I left when I was 17, I was, by the way, I was really frightened of my mother, even when I was 17, before I left, I was still really frightened or frightened of her.

And I was working, I've been working from the age of 12.   And I was working in hotels in the kitchens and my mother used to say, you go out to work, you earn, you keep, you,   and that's fine.  I didn't have an issue with that.   And I was working after school and at weekends and I'd hand over my money to my mother. 
and she'd gladly take it. ,  and I continued doing that. And then I got other jobs in hotels. I even worked in a fish factory filleting fish. I used to make a lot of money cause I was really good at it.  
She'd come and she'd go right. Okay. And she put her hand out and I had to give her more than half my wages for my keep. And when I left at 17, she. I used to call me because I moved to Inverness and she used to call me and say, send money back here. Send money back here. 

 Did you? 

I didn't. 

 Good.  

I said, I'm not sending you money back.
What for?  Because you're too lazy.  Yeah. Sorry. Um, you asked me now. 

No, no, no.  I was saying that , did your past adversities play a role in your decision to start your own business? But , you answered that because you said you, you felt like you had something to prove. Um, and it, or you've always been, I mean, I know how hard you work In both your businesses, um, and just in general, and that's obviously come from, from working from such a, from such a young age, what was your biggest fear when starting out as an entrepreneur? Um, and how did you overcome it? 

I think my biggest fear,  see people run away from something or towards something.   And I've always been running away from something. I didn't want to live the life that I had.  Back in the outer Hebrides in terms of never having any money and money being a huge factor.  Um, and therefore I suppose the biggest fear for me was will I make enough money to live  because when you're employed,  you, you know exactly how much you're going to get paid and you know, the bills are going to be paid, but when you're an entrepreneur and you don't know where your next penny is coming from,  that was always my biggest fear.

Yeah, because you, as you said, there's a lot more stability , when you're employed. Um, so how did you overcome that? 

How did I overcome it? By, I've got a lot of inner strength  and I've got a lot of belief in what I'm capable of.  Yeah. And I think that inner strength, that true grit,  and if you, if you believe you can do something, you're halfway there. 
If you believe you can, you, it's not going to happen by wishing it.  You've got to put the work in. 

What role does mindset play in overcoming challenges?  

Huge.  Absolutely massive mindset is to me, everything, well, 90 percent of overcoming challenges, even more than that.  , it's been massive for me. Mindset. I used to read NLP books when I was younger, when in my twenties and thirties, when I'd left, when I had you and Peter, and these American books, which I did not know were NLP, Neurolinguistic Programming,  were massive for me because I actually used to sell for Amway.   That really helped me personally. I mean, I didn't get very far with it, but personally it helped me with the NLP books. They were just amazing. Think and grow rich, um, grow rich while you sleep.  I can, and I will. , Oh, yeah. So many of these amazing books  and they helped me initially without a single shadow of a doubt they had an effect on me.

But the other thing that had an effect on me was I used to go to Amway conferences and seminars, and we used to have weekly meetings.   And when you're with like minded people  who tell you, you can, you can  That makes a huge difference. Yep. Community. Going back to community. It makes a massive difference.

So, you know, you're a sum of the people you surround yourself with.  So, and I think that when you surround yourself with the right people, cause I grew up surrounded by the wrong people. And then  through Amway, I was surrounding myself with the right people. Whether you believe in multi level marketing or not, it doesn't matter. 

That's not what I'm talking about here. What I'm talking about is surrounding yourself with the right people. When you do that, then it makes such a huge difference because I am very much a glass half full person,  actually a glass that's brimming. 

I love that! That's brilliant.  That is brilliant. I love that.  

 I am. I'm a huge glass half full person. 

Yeah, you are.

When I think of the stuff that I've gone through, you know, I went through a divorce, I left your father in the house that we had,  and I, how I bought This flat that I bought,
I haven't got a clue. I think somebody took pity on me and gave me a mortgage.  And I sold that flat  cheaper than what I should have, but.  And I did all of these things to help others. I love helping other people. I love giving people confidence to do what they want to do with their lives and not to allow anybody to tell them that they can't do things.

That is my total passion. I absolutely love it. Love doing that, and  especially people who are like, what we'd call the underdogs, you know? 

Mm-Hmm.

When they think they can't and they're trying to get outta that adversity.
And of course that stems from what happened to me. 

Well, this is what I was just about to say. Do you believe that Your adversities  have been the catalyst for your success? 

Yes.  

Because talking about the fact that you love helping people, but it's not just that it's giving them confidence and the underdog, you never have any, had any confidence, even though nobody would believe that now meeting you.
But I know that when you were younger, even when you were in your twenties, you wouldn't say boo to a goose. And that is. A world away from the person that you are now. , but it's just the fact that you love giving people that confidence. , it seems like it's a reflection  of what you went through.

Oh, it's very much a reflection of what I went through. And even, you know, it's really strange. I went to university. Nine years ago, now my education was very poor, but I always knew I had common sense and I would never class myself an academic, but I've got a little bit of a brain in there somewhere.

You've got a big brain in there, mum.  

And I went to university and because I had never been to university, I'd always look at educated people and people who spoke well and thought they were much better than me.  I was always in awe of them. And I'll tell you something else. I don't think I've ever said this to anybody before. 
And I'm revealing this here is I've been single for a long time now. And  I used, I started going on dating sites or dating apps  and I used to date some people and there was one guy I liked and But he spoke very rah rah, he had a very lovely voice  and I'm thinking, Oh my God, he would never want to go out with me  because of how he speaks and his education and he went to public school and he had all of this, you know, but he was so lovely.
And one day I opened up when I, we've been friends for 10 years opened up and I say to him, do you know what? I said. When I met you, I said I did not think I was good enough to date you. And you went, Dolina, you're mad.  Absolutely bonkers to say that. He said, you're amazing for goodness sakes. So for anybody as well, who thinks that, and going back to the university thing, when I went to university, I always felt as if I was on the back foot because no, don't, because when you grow up in an isolated place where there's no trains, there's no TV, there's no buses, there's no, you're constantly learning.
You're constantly catching up. Okay. So what other people who are educated or not even educated, who have gone to school every day of their lives, um, and had a. you know, a better education than what I did. Um, it's, sometimes I still think. Other people might register things quicker than what I do when I think about them for a little while and then they come to me, you know, but when I went to university, things like, words like plagiarism, words like, um, on this cohort.

And I'm like, Christ, I've got to look up what that means. Yeah.  You might laugh, but. Sure you can laugh,  

but can you do your own stunts? Oh my God, that's so funny. You really sounded like that. Sorry to our listeners. That was a,  that was a private. Well, it's not a private joke. Cause I'll explain it. Although you're probably not going to find it funny, but. There was this, I can't remember what the advert was. Can you remember the advert mum?There was an advert. Oh, it was laughing cow. I think it was laughing cow. Yeah, sure. You can laugh. There was a laughing cow advert and there was this chicken or hen and it was,  she or he had a thick Scottish accent and she used to, she used to say, sure, you can laugh, but  mum's just said it like the chicken.

So yeah, that's why we're, uh, that's why we're laughing anyway.  Um,  I can appreciate what you're saying about the fact that you didn't have the greatest education, so you did feel on the back foot, but the thing is you didn't let that stop you. 

Oh, I don't let anything stop me.  I've still got lots to do. I'm here for the long term.  Absolutely. So you've got lots to do. Yeah. Yeah, you have. And we have as well together, which is so exciting. 

Yeah.  What has been your proudest moment as an entrepreneur?

Good question.  Becoming a  hypnotherapist. 

Look at that face. 

Yeah. And  it's the best, other than having my beautiful children, you and my son.  And now I've got a grandson as well.  who is absolutely  the  apple of my eye.   Becoming a hypnotherapist  is the best thing I've ever done. Ever done in my life ever, apart from having my children, you know, most people say it's having their children.

And of course it is because we all, I love family. I love that community, family, community. I love it because probably because I was outcast myself and never wanted, you know, the community or the family. So therefore I love that, um, I love that family.  I love my family, but hypnotherapy is awesome. I mean, the difference that people's lives, in people's lives, I helped them in one or two sessions of hypnosis.

You can, you can say it, it's the, you've made such a difference to people's lives.
There's nothing wrong with saying that because you have, it's amazing.  

Well, the reason I'm good at hypnotherapy is because I understand a lot of what people come to see me for. You know, a lot of adversities in childhood that, um, are in the subconscious mind, which drives your conscious mind. But not only that, I'm continually learning and I don't just have one tool in my toolbox.

I do a lot of different types of, um, therapy within hypnotherapy.  Whether it's parts, whether it's timeline, whether it's, , visualization, whether, whatever it is, I, and I, I deal with what comes up.  There's an amazing book by Charles Tebbets,  which has been out of print for years and you just, it's impossible to get a hold of and it's miracles on demand.
And the guy was a genius and you know what? I use a lot of his. Things, um, and. I've been called white magic, I've been, uh, my testimonials are unbelievable. I help people from somebody who wants help for fear of a spider to much, much more complex issues, emotional eating, um, and even golf swing.  Yeah. So, yeah, you know, because it's all the limiting beliefs in your mind and you don't know where these come from and they come from the subconscious, which has been actually scientifically proven now, , that it's up to 95 percent of the subconscious that drives the conscious. 
hypnotherapy is unbelievable and it's been more and more accepted. It never used to be, because people were always wary and people are fearful of what they don't know. And it's the same as my experience in the outer Hebrides, you know, I mean, I found my biological father when I was 23 and he was in Glasgow  and I had a really lovely relationship with him until he died in 2005. 

And I had a lovely relationship with him and his wife, and I found that I had three siblings, and I'm in touch with my brother from another mother,  and him and I get on well and he's absolutely lovely and I'm very proud of him. But their life was very different and their education was wonderful.
And they went to private school, I think as well. 
And I was the one that fell in between the cracks. My mother looked after the others and my father looked after his own. And I was the one that  they thought might have fallen down the, the, the other, the wrong side of the dirt, but no, I didn't  hence proving something. 

Yeah. Yeah. That's powerful. And  I forgot, I was really engrossed in what you were saying and I'd forgotten what I was just about to ask.  what advice would you give to others who have been through  adversity and who wants to start their own business, but  aren't scared?

So you're going to hear a lot of words and a lot of things like, there's no need to be scared, there's no need to be fearful.  Um, but you know, will these things actually sink in?  Um,  see a good hypnotist, 

love that!

who's going to give you the confidence to do what you want to do.  Um, seriously, 

no, I know, I know you're being serious as well. Yeah. Yeah. 

And that's the advice I would give to somebody who is fearful of starting their own business, because fear is false evidence appearing real.  And if you've got something that you want to sell, and you know that people want to buy this from you, whether it's a product, whether it's a service,   if you think that you can do this and you have that belief that you can, you're halfway there,  but you need to start  and don't wait for it to be perfect. Because if you wait for it to be perfect, you won't do it  because nothing is ever perfect.  It's like the unfinished canvases.  Was it Monet or somebody that said about that, 

I have no idea.

They can always continue to work on them. They're never finished. 

Mm hmm. 

So don't wait.  Just  believe in yourself. If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you won't.  And both statements are true.  

Mm hmm. Going back to something you said earlier, you wish that you had, you know, Started as an entrepreneur.
I mean, I know that with the hypnotherapy, it was almost 10 years ago, but you've also had your own business in another industry for 18 years, I think.  Um, but even, even with that, I think you wish that you would have done something sooner and, or had the confidence to do something sooner, is that right to say?

Yes.  I mean, I went into recruitment for all the wrong reasons. I went into it because I thought I would make a lot of money from it.  And I didn't really look into it enough. Um, and I, I didn't understand it and being honest, I didn't, I just knew I wanted to work for myself and do something for myself.  

That's a good lesson for, for anybody that is thinking about doing something. It's.  Doing your research, it's  finding out whether what you're, what you want to do, if there's other people doing it, , because competition is good, because you know that there's a want for that product or that service.

That's right.  

And it's asking these questions and not being scared to ask these questions,  if I was doing this,  would you pay for this,  um, rather than setting out with an idea, not asking these questions, not getting that feedback, and then, you know, It not working in six months time, but the thing is actually, do you know what that happens?
And failure is absolutely fine. And you learn from failure. It, it really pushes you. And the thing is, it's not failure because you learn so much along that path that you then take forward into whatever then becomes a success.  So.  You know, it's good advice to say, do the research and make sure, because you don't want to waste time.
that's just sensible. But, even if whatever you're doing does fail, it doesn't, that's, it doesn't matter. It's, don't let that stop you. Use what you've learned and continue, you know, pivot.  Pivot! Um, I know, but that's what you have to do in business, you know, a lot of the time, and you've got to be, adaptable and flexible enough to go, actually, this isn't working. So rather than giving up and, thinking, Oh gosh, I'm a failure. And I may as well just go back and doing what was comfortable , and secure and safe.  Stable and safe, it's thinking, Oh, hang on a minute. What needs to change?
And then trying something else. because you do learn so much,  from these quote unquote failures. 

I think to be honest,  I set up Lioness Consultants, which is my recruitment business,  in 2005.  And I,  I just hit the phone  at the Yellow Pages second hand desk and chair.
And it was no, no, no, no, no. And that's all I got the whole time. And then I made my first placement,  one Christmas. And I thought, wow, okay.
I've made this one placement, I can do more.  So if you're willing to put up with the no's to get to the yes's, you need to be tenacious in business. You need to have that tenacity about you. And I'm very tenacious. I've still got my business and we went through recessions and I still got that business.

And you went through almost dying.  

I did. In 2009, I almost died. Yeah. I had two operations in the same day.  You know, this is something that's really strange.   I went into hospital to have a partial hysterectomy and  it's a major operation, but it is a routine regular operation, right?
It's one that's performed regularly. And everybody's saying to me, Dolina, you'll be absolutely fine. And I'd had several operations before that anyway. , before I went in, I had this really, really bad gut feel.  I had the top, the top honcho at the hospital going to perform my operation and he had a very good name  and I could not shake off this gut feeling that something was going wrong.
I just knew, I just had this innate gut feeling.   I had something, there was something I'm like, Oh my God, this just does not, there's something here that isn't right. Anyway,  , I was the penultimate one to go and have the operation done. And when I  woke up or semi woke up, it was night. 
This was three o'clock in the afternoon. I had the operation. It was about seven or eight o'clock at night. I was coming to, and they had to wake me. I didn't wake up naturally.  They had to wake me up. And. I kept on drifting in and out of consciousness  and I could hear them say,  we need, we need to call them.
We need to call them. We need to call them. And they called the theater team back out. , because they did, I didn't have any blood pressure basically. And they thought I was hemorrhaging or they thought that something had got, it was a clot or something.  And they re operated, they, well, they did whatever they had to do to find.
But one thing I'll always remember is I was being, I remember going, I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I'm not ready to die. I don't want to die. And that, I just kept on repeating that.
And I remember them standing around my. And  one of them said, where's the anaesthetist? Where's the anaesthetist?  And I could see their eyes  looking and one's going, should be two minutes. And the other guy's going, we don't have two minutes.  She's got to be here now.   And I woke up in the morning  and I woke up to you and Peter  at the bottom of, oh God, that really makes me cry,  . And the surgeon sat.  The guy who I thought was going to perform the initial operation, the top on show, actually  give it to somebody else to do.  And that's what happened.

And then the the top surgeon came down and said, we do not know how you are still here. These were his words. 

How do you hope your story of, of going through adversity and being an entrepreneur will  inspire others?  

I love that word,  inspire.  It's one of my favorite words.  Hmm.   How do I hope it will inspire others?

Well, I'm hoping for anybody listening to this, knowing that they're not alone  is really important.  Um, knowing that there are people out there who have gone through similar things to what they've gone through and they're not alone. We all have our own things that are important to us.

And I, you've heard some of my story, you can dig deep and have that inner strength and strength of mind because Churchill said, when you're going through hell, keep going.  Well, I think that if I can do it from where I've come from,  then anyone can.  

Yeah.  Absolutely.   There are so many successful people That have had very difficult lives  and people that you won't even know of. Oprah Winfrey is a really good example. She had a really challenging childhood. She grew up in poverty. She was in rural Mississippi. She had abuse, discrimination.  , she went into the media.
She faced loads of rejection, um, because she was a young black woman.  In a predominantly white industry. , but look at her now, she then became, well, she is one of the most influential media moguls in the world and she's, her net worth is billions, but  that wasn't her goal. Her goal was to help and inspire. 
And I think when you keep that in mind. It's not,  we're talking about being entrepreneurial and running your own business and yeah, money  is one of the key motivators, but it's actually a by product. The money is a by product. 

Can I just say something on that? Because I mentioned earlier about my recruitment business, Lioness Consultants,  and I say to set it up for the wrong reasons.
I set it up for, because I thought I could make money. Yes. Actually, I didn't set it up because I was passionate about it.  And what has happened as a result of that is that candidates come to see me and they say, you're not a recruitment consultant, you are a psychologist. And I went, I'm not a psychologist.
But they say you dig deep to understand and we give, you give people confidence naturally to do what they want to do. And very often I would say, I question people, why are you actually going for this job? You're so much better than doing this. You can do this.  And. I had a woman write to me saying, Dolina, you gave me the confidence through talking to you.
This was years and years ago before I became a therapist, you gave me the confidence to start my own business that I was thinking about starting for a long time. And you actually gave me the confidence to do it when you could have made a placement, but instead you didn't, you did this. 
And I think that when you give people the confidence to do that, and when I know that what we're doing with our podcast,  and I know that what  I'm doing as a hypnotherapist , we will be doing as well, I honestly know that we can make a difference to so many people. 

I just know it's, it's just that passion and that I can feel it in my body and just Knowing the difference we can make to your lives, to anybody listening to this, who's too scared to do anything, please don't be too scared to do it. Cause I've been there and I know exactly what it's like.  And so do many others. When you look at people who you admire,  And are successful as Abi said, like Oprah or anybody like that sometimes. Well, I used to think I would be far too scared to speak to them because they're this, they're that, and it's only in the latter years that I've realized that no, most of them have come from adversity and they know what it's like to go through all of this to get to where they want to be.

So please don't,  I'm not saying everybody has, but there's a lot of people, you'd be surprised. 

You'd be surprised. Yeah.  

Yeah. Well, thank you  for sharing and for going through, part of your story. I know that it could have been,  a lot more, but  I'm pleased that you shared and, I hope that, for our listeners that this will help you and inspire you.  

Thank you. 

Thanks Mumma. 

Thank you for interviewing me. Thank you. And,  for anybody listening, as Abi said, I hope my story does. Inspire you to, , A, listen to our podcast and B to, um,  if you need hypnotherapy, well, you know what? 

Dolly's your girl. Dolly, absolutely. Yeah. 

Yeah, absolutely. I actually, my grandson calls me Dolly and I like that.

Yeah. It's lovely. 

Yeah. It's lovely. Love you. Thank you. 

Love you. Thank you. 

Thanks for listening, Reignmakers. Today's key takeaways are 

1. Adversity doesn't define your worth. You are enough as you are. Your past does not dictate your future. 
2. Surround yourself with like minded people. 
3. If you struggle with confidence, start small. Engage in activities that build self esteem.  
4. You don't need to prove your worth to anyone. 
5. Instead of letting adversity hold you back, use your past challenges to drive your success.  
6. Start even when you're scared. Don't wait for the perfect moment. 
7. Embrace failure as a learning opportunity. 
8. Success often requires tenacity and resilience, especially in the face of rejection. 
9. Remember that many successful people have faced significant adversity and still succeeded. 
   
   So your homework for this week, research a successful person who has faced adversity.
   
   Write a brief summary of their story, focusing on how they overcame challenges and persisted through rejection. Thank you Reflect on what lessons you can apply to your own life.  
10. 
    
11. And if you're happy to, be brave and post it on social media. Tag us and use the hashtag Rainmaker. That's R E I G N M A K E R. 
    
    So depending on where you're listening, you might have a link to get in touch with us below. Otherwise, please send us an email or message us on social media. We'd love to hear from you with your stories, questions, or ideas of what you would like to hear going forward. We will be including these in future episodes and the links are in the show notes. 
    
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